I was working at the kitchen counter when I heard my 4 year old son make a noise from the living room. It was one of those weird sounds where your child is either hysterically laughing or crying. My brain instantly went to the later.

“Cullen are you okay?”
The sound from his mouth got louder and when he looked up at me I could see him smiling from ear to ear. He was laughing!
“Mama, there are these two cars and they keep crashing into each other and it’s sssssooooo funny,” he explained as he giggled.

I stood there confused. When he was a baby he had this giggle that lit up a room. It was contagious and he laughed at everything! It was sunshine on a cloudy day. However, after his dad died he stopped giggling. Sure, he laughed here and there but his famous giggle disappeared.

As his mom, I hoped that one day it would return. However, as I stood lost in space and time, I realized I didn’t trust that the giggle I longed for had actually returned. I wasn’t filled with joy. I wasn’t so excited that I started jumping up and down. I didn’t even laugh with him. I stood there in disbelief. WILD, right?!?

What I am learning is that when you experience deep heartbreak and you are brave enough to hold HOPE that one day things will be better… ONE DAY things might actually get better! WOAH! But the kicker?!? In order to FEEL the joy of things getting better you have to TRUST it. You see, you can hope with all your might but you also have to trust that the possibility of healing can happen so that you can believe it when it DOES happen.

In this moment with my son giggling, I didn’t trust it. In fact my trust for all I had been hoping for for years had been rocked. That loss of trust has caused me to miss out on some major JOYS when moments I hoped for actually happened because I didn’t trust it was happening.

So as you sit here longing for better times and maybe you even find yourself HOPEFUL that one day things will be better …. Don’t forget to TRUST that it actually can happen!!!! So that when all you hoped for begins happening in your life you get to experience the joy of it all. Hope. Trust. & Live Moore!

~ Nikki Moore

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